Driving Down Memory Lane

May I just tell you all that I am having a WONDERFUL time with the 3 students from our school and my family on our little whirlwind trip from Misery Missouri to Tennessee through Georgia and Alabama to Florida!!? 
(In case you missed it - we are taking 2 Seniors and 1 Junior on a little College Tour/Jr-Sr Trip this week):

The kids have been SO good.  Today we drove two stretches of almost 4 hours each - no one complained, no one had to go to the bathroom ... in fact, no one even asked if we were there yet! 

It was so good to see my parents and brother's family earlier this week - even if we only had a very limited time while our students toured the nearby Bible college - but we did get to have dinner with my brother, his wife, and their 2 cute kids on Tuesday night.  Sadly, at this point of the day, we'd all about had it - my brother was actually very sick and had been to the doctor earlier in the day, the kids were exhausted and melting down, and Miriam had eaten a huge plate of bright red jell-o while sitting on my lap, leaving us both with blood-red stained clothes and hands that we looked like we'd just been through a massacre!!!!  Hence, no pictures of ME or my brother - but we did get a few of the kids:

This picture (below) cracks me up - it looks like my brother's sweet little girl is about to slap my Miriam - who appears to be - and probably IS - pitching a fit !!  While Miriam IS having a fit, Addie Mae would NEVER slap her!!  She's too sweet!!

Peace & Harmony:  Addie Mae, Anna, and Miriam

 My mom looks remarkably good - I guess she thrives on grandchildren!  :)  She and my dad watched all the kids for the day - which was a HUGE blessing!!  Thankfully, they really do all get along great - and Addie Mae & Miriam took good, long naps for them at the same time - SCORE!  Andrew and his cousin Ethan are big buddies too so that is fun to watch. 

Early this morning we left Knoxville - and drove by our old "stomping grounds" in Chattanooga, which is where Dan and I went to Bible college and where we met and where he proposed to me!  This is the view that I saw a ga-billion times during my 3 years in Chattanooga:

 We drove on into Georgia, on I-24, another route we are SO familiar with!  

 and on into Alabama - Dan remembered that we drove this route in December of 1992, after our wedding near Knoxville, on our "honeymoon" drive across the country to his duty station in California.  For Christmas, I had gotten Dan a BRIGHT ORANGE Tennessee sweatshirt - and he wore it on the day we drove through - and stopped at a mall IN Alabama.  If you know anything about SEC football, you know that A LOT of people were GLARING at Dan that day!!  :) 

 Finally, we crossed over the border into Florida, the supposed SUNSHINE state ... we have yet to see any sunshine - but hopefully:  the sun will come out TOMORROW!!  :)

We will tour another Christian college here on Thursday - and then hopefully have plenty of time to play on a nearby beach?!!!! 

May I just say again - all 6 of "our kids" have been just - SUPER, man!

(the 3 students we are also traveling with - in Metropolis ... Illinois)

Bon Voyage!

 If you've read my blog for any length of time, you might have picked up on the fact that sometimes I complain mention that we used to travel A LOT, but in the last 6 or 7 years, I can't get past the border states of Missouri.  But tonight, yes, at 1 a.m., I am taking a little break from packing my suitcases because we are TRAVELING this week!!!!  And beyond just the usual places we go!

No, we're not going to Hawaii ... but we MAY actually see a palm tree or two! 

We may glimpse the BEACH!! 

And Lord willing, we will get to travel through some states that - while I've been through them before - I haven't seen in YEARS!!







 We are going to take 3 Juniors & Seniors from our Christian school on a "College Trip" to visit 2 Christian colleges and have some fun along the way.  The fact that we get to take OUR KIDS along too is a bonus!!  With 6 kids in tow, I think I'll feel a little Duggar-like; however, they are all good kids and I foresee having a great time together! 

Where are we going?  Well, first, we'll be heading to MY HOME:  Knoxville, Tennessee.  My parents' church (the one I grew up in) started a Christian college and seminary in 1992 ... the same year I graduated (!!) from another Bible college.  As an added bonus, we'll get to see my family briefly.

Then on Wednesday, we'll head further South into FLORIDA - honestly, a state I never thought I'd ever find my way back to.  We'll be in Pensacola for 2 days!  How convenient to have a student interested in visiting a college in such a vacationy place!  :) 

We'll be traveling many, many miles in our school van - about 2,000 - so please say a prayer for our safety on the roads, for health, and with 6 kids in tow, for me to have STRENGTH and patience!!  :) 



Conny

Bless His Heart: Communication or Miscommunication

Tonight my husband got irritated at me ... I think - honestly - he was kind of mad ...

So, why in the world would I admit that on a blog for anyone in the world to see?  Well, my husband is probably THE MOST patient, unshakable, kind, and eternally optimistic person I know.  He balances me well - which probably means that I am THE LEAST patient, most unstable, cranky, and negative person he knows?!  When he finally gets mad, I am thankful that he too is human ... because sometimes, I just want to be mad - just for a little while ... and then, I want to forgive, forget, and move on. 

As I am apt to do when my expectations are not met and my plans are altered outside of my control, tonight I was grumbling about an unexpected visit from my in-laws tomorrow.  It wouldn't be a big deal if we weren't going away for a week as of Monday!  It isn't a big deal anyway ... I just felt like making it a big deal. 

You see:  I had plans.  Saturday I was going to FINALLY sleep ... the sleep of a mom who has someone else to watch out for the baby ... the sleep of a mom who stays up too late puttering around, doing all those things she can't do when everyone is awake ... the sleep of a mom who has all the time in the world over the weekend to clean the house and pack up 5 people for a trip.  But SUDDENLY:  I had to do a frantic cleaning of the house that has been neglected during a busy week - and think about what I had to offer for meals and desserts ... and all the while my husband sat on the couch, watching baseball while I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, so I grumbled.  The more I cleaned, the more I grumbled, and after a while, I found myself voicing my complaints. 

I said, "It's YOUR parents who are coming, why do I have to do all the work?" ... I meant, "I could use some help here, please!" ... and he heard, "I don't want your parents to come over tomorrow." 

We discussed if they or we could visit another weekend, but the next weeks aren't any more convenient.  I said something like, "The timing of this visit is terrible!" ... I meant, "I am overwhelmed thinking about all I have to do in the next 2 days."  He heard, "There is never a good time to visit with your parents." 

Dan said something about this visit not being about us - but about letting our kids visit with their grandparents when they have the chance.  I mumbled something about, "Well, when does anyone ever try to accommodate our [mine and Dan's] schedule instead of just thinking about what they want to do?" ... I meant, "I wish our schedules weren't so full because we hardly have time for OUR OWN FAMILY" ... and finally he said, "Now I don't want my parents to come tomorrow either." 

And here in lies the misunderstanding:  I never said I didn't want his parents to come over ... I like his parents ... I like that they live 120 miles away, and our kids get to see them fairly often.  I only was voicing that I could use a little help, was feeling overwhelmed, and was frustrated with our busy schedule right now!  

We are both very tired - and my husband is by no means lazy.  He regularly works 10 hour days at the school as he goes in early and stays until 5 p.m. most days, even though he doesn't really have to.  It's been a busy week for me and Miriam as well as I've had some appointments and have worked in our school office each afternoon because one of the secretaries is away.  We both have excuses ... and yet, after 18 1/2+ years of marriage, you'd think we could communicate a little better - meaning HE could understand me a little better ... and yeah, ok, I could probably just outright ask for and explain exactly what I want a little better!!  I've often read or been told that women expect men to be mind readers ... and they just aren't. 

So, in the end, we both cooled down, explained OUR SIDE of the situation, and determined it was all going to be ok.  Dan offered to take care of lunch so I wouldn't have to ... and I still plan to sleep in and not worry if my in-laws show up at the crack of dawn as they are apt to do.  And now we're fine.  

Guess that proves that no matter how long you've been married or known each other, COMMUNICATION is still the KEY to a good relationship!! 

“After all, when you come right down to it, how many people speak the same language even when they speak the same language?”  ~Russell Hoban

5 Minutes: GROWING

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.


2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

You can read more 5 Minute Friday Essays at the gypsymama's blog. 
 
Today's theme is GROWING:
 
Looking back over my life, I've seen so many things grow ... my own spiritual life, my relastionship with my husband, my children - physically, spiritually, mentally, socially ... but I've also seen how I've actually GROWN though going backwards! 
 
How is that possible!?  Well, God has shown me that by weeding out distractions, my own will, and the American dream, we've actually GROWN in grace, GROWN in trust, and GROWN in reliance on God for pretty much EVERYTHING!!  I haven't always liked this journey because change and letting go is sometimes painful - but in the end, the GROWTH of my faith has brought me to a place of contentment (except when I get discontent!!!!). 
 
You see, if you don't know me, I'll explain it like this: 
We used to be an average American family.  My husband was in the military; we traveled all over America and Europe; we had a secure salary and medical "insurance"; we were working towards a retirement - we had an IRA; and while we attended church faithful, we pretty much just did whatever we pleased - went where we pleased - and bought what we pleased.  Not that those things are wrong - and I wish we had been better stewards of our time and resources when we actually had time!! 
 
But then God called - and my husband answered - and we entered full-time ministry at our local church.  Suddenly, we were "stuck" within the confines of the state we live in (not a state I'd ever dreamed I'd see, let alone LIVE IN!); our salary - even when I worked full-time - was cut in half; we have no retirement funds any more - we've given up contributing to our IRA when I quit my job to stay home with the baby; we don't have medical insurance though we do enjoy a health share plan that has paid for all the MAJOR medical needs we've had (like our daughter's c-section birth); and while our bills are covered, we are extremely reliant on God's provision if we ever have an emergency (transmission going out in our 16 year old car this summer!) or any "wants" ... While most people - and even our own family - told us we were CRAZY to give up our financial security, it is a choice my husband believed was OF THE LORD!   And He has proven Himself so faithful - despite my floundering faith occasionally - that I have pages of journal entries of how He has taken care of many of our needs and some of our wants too! 
 
So, yes, we've gone "backwards" by the world's standards ... but we have GROWN personally, as a family, as a couple, and most important in our faith.  And before you feel too sorry for us, I think this time of ministry is only temporary for us, unless God directs otherwise.  Hopefully, one day, our financial belts will be less tight - but I do not begrudge the lessons I've learned by going backwards for a few years. 
 
Every stage and phase of life can be an opportunity for growth ... no matter which direction it takes you!
 

Happy Autumn!

Right now, many people are touting the joys of the change of seasons.

I just heard today was the FIRST DAY OF FALL!

It also happens to be Miriam's 21 month "birthday"!

(self portrait by Miriam)

So, it's Fall ... I don't MIND Fall ... but Summer will always be my favorite season.  

On Monday, our kids played hooky from school (with permission) to meet up with some home-schooling friends in a town further away at a corn maze/pumpkin patch.  

The corn maze was one of the biggest, most impressive I've ever experienced.  We let the "big kids" run ahead as they were faster/more energetic then us - and it took the moms (and Miriam) about 1 1/2 hours to get through the 8 acre maze!  You had to follow clues to various forks in the path as well as watch out for dead ends.  A bird's eye view of the maze was given to us as a guide:

Impressive, no!?  (The theme for the maze this year was the story of DANIEL, by the way!)

The "field trip" got me in the mood for Fall:  a bonfire, hot dogs over an open fire (did you know if you burn your finger, it will feel better if you stick it in your ear?!  Nope, I didn't know that either - but one of the boys showed us that trick!), s'mores, a scavenger hunt in the woods, and pumpkins from the patch!  The boys played football, and the girls played with each other and minded the babies that were there.  And I got to have some MOMMY TIME with several friends and a few new friends!   

And so, it's FALL (which is ok by me ... but I'll be honest & say I DREAD WINTER!) ... time for sweaters and cocoa and raking leaves and scarecrows and pumpkin spice lattes and cinnamony apple pies with real whipped cream - as well as soup and yes, even chili.  :) 

Happy Fall, my friends!  Wishing you crisp days, fuzzy throw blankets, pumpkins and pies, and lots of yummy comfort food.

Hodge Podge

Because it's "over the hump day" - and because I spent Monday and Tuesday soooooo busy and mostly NOT at home, I am taking it EASY this morning - and plan on just enjoying my baby girl who has snuggled up beside me to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  I'm drinking some yummy coffee and catching up on my blog reading.

Here are today's HODGE PODGE questions with my answers:
1. Do you like chili? Red or white? Beans or no beans? Spice or no spice? Toppings?
Growing up, I hated chili ... I know:  that's un-American (then again, I'm 100% German!!).  I also hated pumpkin pie and continue to hate it ... BUT I have reconciled with chili.  My initial issue with it is the BEANS (don't really love beans); my husband LOVES beans and grew up on pinto beans and such like.  I've had to adapt.
 
I prefer red chili though I must say I've never really had a good white chili, but I probably WOULD like it (anyone got a good recipe??).  I like mine not-too-spicy - and with shredded cheddar and a dollop of sour cream, please. 

2. Red~Orange~Gold...your favorite fall color?
ORANGE makes me think of where I grew up:  Knoxville, TN - "ORANGE YOU GLAD YOU'RE A VOL??" ... the Tennessee Volunteers sport the brightest, cheerfulest orange team wear ever!  Otherwise, I am not a big fan of orange.

My FAVORITE fall color is burgandy, if that counts.  My house has a lot of burgandy and gold throughout. 

3. Who did you idolize when you were growing up?
I've never been big on heroes.  Even as a young person, I was always somewhat skeptical of anyone too wonderful, afraid they'd let me down or something.  So, I didn't really idolize anyone I knew in real life ... except maybe my OMA (the ULTIMATE HAUSFRAU, whom this blog is dedicated to).  She is one of the few people who nurtured me and loved me unconditionally.  She was such a great cook and homemaker; I think I idolize her to this day! 
In book world, I met Corrie ten Boom as a 5th grader when I read The Hiding Place for the first time ... and then Amy Carmichael.  Those ladies ARE worthy of learning from.  Ironically, neither one ever married ... ?!

4. When was the last time you did something 'arts and craftsy'? Share please.
I'm not crafty by nature ... this summer I did go through a phase though:  I made felt flowers and come marshmallow flower cupcakes in May! 
FELT FLOWERS
FLOWER CUPCAKES

5. What's a place that makes you really nervous?
Hospitals.  I could go on and on about why ... but suffice it to say, I am not cut out to be a nurse or doctor or EMT or even an ER registration clerk (which I actually was for about 3 or 4 months before I got married!!).

6. Horse back riding...yay or nay (neigh?)
Only in my dreams ... not in real life.

7. What is your favorite cliche?
I am sure I use a lot of them.... but right now I can't think of any ... unless you count:  There's no place like home!  :)

8. Insert your own random thought here.
I've been reading through Psalms the last few weeks (months?!) ... and recently came across Psalm 46:10:
"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth."
A commentary I was reading said that here BE STILL actually means "RELAX" or "LET GO" ... I love that!  RELAX, Conny, HE IS GOD!!!! 
LET GO and Let God. <-- I think that's a cliche' but it's so true.  ;)

5 Reasons I LOVE Blogging!

1.  Most of my life, I've been a LOSER ... as in I *never* won anything - not cake walks, not door prizes, not even games of Monopoly.  Once I started entering blog give-aways, I've won such a variety of things over the last few years:  from boxed mixes of Macaroni Grill entrees to dishes from Dayspring to clothes!  And today I just found out I won perhaps one of the BEST prizes yet:  a DVD of the new Beverly Lewis book THE SHUNNING coming out as a movie!!  I can't wait to watch this with Anna - she LOVES Amish stories as well.

2.  I have a blank canvas to write WHATEVER I WANT TO each time I hit the "new post" tab.  It's MY blog - and I can shamelessly brag about my kids and husband or I can document my every day life or I can ramble about whatever is on my heart. 

3.  I've been given opportunity to review products, to offer items for give away, and to promote certain companies that come back to me with product offers - Twin Sisters Productions, the CSN Stores, Emily Rose Doll Clothes (I was given a free pattern recently & am supposed to be sewing something for 18" dolls to show you all). 

4.  There's fun memes to participate in:  Happy Homemaker Mondays, The Simple Woman's Daybook ... and my very own 30 Days of Thanks which I definitely plan to do again this coming November!!!  I hope some of you will join me. 

5. Other bloggers.  I've met some neat people "online" and even got brave enough to meet one in real life!!  She wasn't an ax murderer and I'm not either, so it was a great experience.  :)   I also have blogging friends from all over - most recently from my native Germany and also Holland.  Many (most) of my blogging friends are also Christian moms, so we have a lot in common and to learn from each other and to encourage each other. 

What do you love most about blogging?

13 Years Ago

Friday, September 18, 1998 ... Wuerzburg, Germany:

at 11:03 p.m., I gave birth to our first child - a baby boy - 7 lbs 6 oz. 
Andrew Philip. 

I had a feeling I was entering labor around 11 p.m. the night before.  Everyone at our house (my mom & dad were there as well) had already gone to bed.  I decided to let them all sleep as I laid on the couch and timed what I began to realize were CONTRACTIONS!!  For a while they were probably 15-20, even 30 minutes apart not lasting very long, and I really didn't think they were the real thing because they weren't too strong and they were not coming frequently; the baby wasn't due for almost another week, and I'd always heard that first babies seldom came early.  I even dozed off and on for a few hours. 

Imagine my husband's surprise when he woke up early the next morning for work to find me in the living room with a paper on which I'd been tracking my contractions all night long.  Since things things were going slowly, he went to work - but came back within an hour!  He just couldn't focus and told everyone there he was taking a day of leave. 

As the morning and day went by, I continued to track my contractions, took a shower, double-checked my hospital bag, etc.  In the early afternoon my parents, Dan, and I went for a walk to see if it would make the contractions come more consistently.

By late afternoon, the contractions were getting somewhat painful.  I had to start concentratedly breathing through them and they were 10 minutes apart, sometimes just 5 minutes apart, and lasting longer.  Around 6 p.m., I think we called L&D at the hospital ... and the nurse I talked to said to come in but to take my time.  First babies usually didn't come in a hurry ...

Dan and I left for the hospital around 7 p.m. - I got settled in a birthing suite and checked and was THRILLED and relieved to hear I was already dilated to 7 cm!!  I got an IV and was given something for my nausea (a yucky side effect of labor - but something the nurses assured me was great because it meant things were progressing?!?!).  Because I was at a small Army hospital, we had already been forewarned in child birth classes that if you didn't go into labor during the one anesthesiologist's normal working hours, you probably didn't have much of a chance of him or her coming in to administer any kind of pain medication unless it was an absolute emergency.  In a way, I was thankful because the thought of the needle of an epidural going into my back sent me into an absolute panic despite all the testimonies of friends who said it was the best thing ever.  The decision had pretty much already been made for me.  I was going to experience natural child birth! 

Contrary to what I have been told over the years, I DO remember the pain of the contractions very well, especially as I transitioned into the last stage of labor.  I remember saying, "I can't do this!" over and over.  But I also remember a nurse kind of chuckling and telling me I had no choice.  :)  Thankfully, the pushing stage didn't last long ... and I soon heard the cry of a healthy, very irate baby boy!  My parents had since arrived, and they said they heard that joyful sound all the way down the hall in the waiting room where they were. 

Once I was cleaned up and given my just-bathed baby boy, I felt so incredibly good!  and hungry!  I hadn't eaten much all day, so the nurses sent a request for a meal to the cafeteria so I could eat at 1 a.m.  I took a quick shower and settled in to admire my long-awaited child.  It all seemed like a dream ... one of my favorite memories is of Dan reclining in the awful, uncomfortable, vinyl-covered "daddy chair" that was in the hospital room, holding Andrew, and singing softly to him. 

They say when a child is born, so is a mother ... and so is a father.  Somehow you just know what to do.  God kind of whispers it in your ear if you listen to Him.  And now, as we endeavor to raise a teenager into manhood, I am counting on Him to continue to speak to our hearts and through The Word - it is a great privilege and responsibility to have children.  Lord, please help us; we are listening! 

5 Minute Friday: JOY

Oh, today's theme is EASY (well, theme itself is JOY - but that is EASY to write about!!) ... who doesn't want to live JOYfully?!

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.


2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

JOY

A few years ago, I thought I'd lost my joy ... My life wasn't going the way I imagined.  Honestly, I was angry at God, the Sovereign who I believe controls every aspect of a Christian's life, but I manifested my anger on the one who is dearest to me on earth, my husband.  He took it as well as a godly, concerned, somewhat-helpless husband could.

Finally, I decided I was tired of being angry ... I prayed for forgiveness from the One who controls every aspect of my life because He knows best - and I begged for forgiveness from my long-suffering husband.  I chose to accept and trust God's will and ways - and I decided to choose JOY. 

To begin my journey out of my depression, I looked up every reference to JOY in the Bible and wrote them all on a back page.  What a blessing that was!  I found there could be JOY in suffering, JOY in the darkness, JOY in trials as well as in the ordinary days and in the happiest of times - so basically, every day.  While we may not always be happy in our circumstances, we can continually have JOY if we choose to.  God promises us a lot of help in maintaining it.  He gave us His Word on it.



Lost ... and Found!!

My camera had been missing for a while ... which affected my blogging because I couldn't use PICTURES to help tell my stories ... and it had reduced me to writing long essays that may not have held anyone's attention unless they had a lot of time to spare to read my ramblings ... BUT today:

Today I found my camera safely tucked away under the driver seat of my car -

and the memory card had the following pictures on it:

Miriam helping me in the school cafeteria the day I helped substitute in there:

This is how lunch was served:  milk & juice on the top tray, Miriam on the middle tray.

 Miriam ran around the cafeteria for a while & must have gotten a hold of the camera.  Here is some of her work:  self portraits

 Not bad for a 20 month old?! 

OH - and a little housekeeping note: 

I have added the option to FOLLOW MY BLOG BY EMAIL.

You can sign up to get my posts in your inbox over on the right side bar. --->

To nurture.

Another issue of "Bless His Heart" is needed today ... I hadn't written much about my husband lately ... but today I am yet again aware of the blessing a good man is.  Mine is not perfect (and shockingly neither am I!) - but we often talk about how we've settled comfortably into being best friends, a parenting team, and a happy, very close couple (most of the time - as long as he's doing things MY WAY - ha - just kidding!!).  Right now, as I look around me at marriages, our relationship is a rare and precious thing I want to nurture.  We will soon be celebrating our 19th anniversary - and I want to celebrate our 20th, 30th, 40th, and 50th if we are both still alive by then! 

Yesterday my husband had a routine medical procedure that required sedation, so I took him to the medical center to be able to drive him home afterwards.  Seeing him out cold on a hospital bed for a little while made me think of women who have critically ill husbands.  For the most part, we have been healthy - and I am so thankful.  Hospitals practically make me break out in hives!  In fact, as I was waiting for Dan to wake up, I guess I was scrunched up, rubbing my arms, and frowning.  A nurse came by and asked if I was cold ... and I had to admit I was fine, just very nervous! 

Thankfully, Dan came to quickly after a nurse talked to him a minute.  She jokingly said I could ask him ANYTHING while he was still groggily coming out of the haze of anesthesia.  So, I said, "What am I getting for Christmas?!" ... Dan thought a minute and mumbled, "Your two front teeth."  The nurse laughed and said, "He's just fine."

As I helped Dan get ready after the procedure and took him home, I was just hit by such a wave of gratefulness that he was OK (even though he had 5 polyps cut from his colon/intestines!  Everything was benign!) ... and my only thought was I wanted him to have whatever he needed or wanted to be comfortable.  He wanted mashed potatoes - with gravy - and while I'm not a fan of gravies, you bet I made him a big ol' slew of taters with gravy.  Later he said a Big Mac sounded good, so without even hesitating that's what I went out to get him - with sweet tea because he said that sounded good too.

Now, on most days, I am more of the persuasion that if you've got 2 good legs, you can get your sweet tea yourself.  I've got plenty of other things to do besides serve people who can serve themselves! 

My problem is that I've worked at a school long enough to see too many spoiled kids who can't do anything by themselves because their parents hover and do EVERYTHING for them. I'm talking I've seen 1st graders whose parents carry their backpacks out of the building for them - and sometimes even carry THE CHILD to the car?!?!?!?!  Really?!!!  I'm big on being independent - and that's why I tend to NOT do everything for my kids like that.  However, I'm sure there is a balance to find.  [Don't even get me started on the mother of a 7th grader who comes in EVERY DAY to write down her child's homework assignments for her ... My kids have been tracking their own homework since homework began.  I call that "responsibility" ... but I digress.  :-x]

Back to my husband ... and my children too:  while I don't naturally come by the nurturing gene, I do think I need to put some more effort in trying to let my family members know I love them by my acts of kindness towards them.  I could literally see and feel my husband enjoy and appreciate the extra care he got from me yesterday (he obviously doesn't get the royal treatment enough!).  As the head of our house and the provider, he should be served occasionally - not because he couldn't do it himself - but because he deserves appreciation and RESPECT through my acts of service. 

Sometimes I tend to question if I take care of EVERYONE but myself:  But then who will take care of ME!?  And this is the lesson I've been learning over & over the last 5 years (probably longer but more concentrated lately):  LIFE IS NOT ABOUT ME!  In fact, as a Christian, life is about glorifying God.  While I know God doesn't want us to be a used-up, worn-out dishrag or walked-all-over doormat, I do think there are enough verses about SERVING OTHERS in the Bible to prove our greatest JOY (Jesus - Others - You) comes from NOT thinking about our own needs.  Those needs tend to get taken care of eventually - or not, if they weren't necessary anyway.  My deepest depressions have been during time periods when I've focused so much on MYSELF that I couldn't even see outside my selfishness to God's goodness.  No one person will give us all we need anyway - not even the kindest husband or the sweetest children. 

So, I'm working on changing my thinking about "spoiling" my family.  No, I don't want rotten, bratty, entitled kids or a husband who looks at me as a cook, maid, and housekeeper only --- but I want to find that genuine balance of putting my family before myself.  Yesterday showed me that I need to take care of - and nurture - what I have more.  Living a selfless life isn't what the world admires or promotes - but it is what God admires and promotes and even rewards.  I am trusting that HE will take care of and nurture me the more I let go of my selfishness and trust Him. 

9/11/01 - 9/11/10

So much happens in 10 years ... but as I posted on facebook (copied from someone else):  I can't even remember what I did last Tuesday, but I remember so many, many details about Tuesday, September 11, 2001. 

I can see it most obviously in my children:  on September 11, 2001, Anna was just over 10 months old, refusing to crawl, but rolling from one corner of the room to the other at whirly-gig speed!  We were already planning Andrew's 3rd birthday coming up on 9/18.  Today Anna is 10 years old - and we are planning Andrew's 13th birthday!  They don't really remember 9/11 - but the day touched their lives as it began a war on terror that took their dad away from them for a year from 2003-04. 

I see 10 years very much in my own face.  I was a young mom in 2001 - with 2 miracle children I never dreamed I'd have!!  Shortly after 9/11, Andrew and Anna both came down with fevers, and I went into full mommy-panic mode!  Thankfully, we were staying with my parents while Dan was away at an Army school and we were in between duty assignments.  I called my cousin's husband who was a pediatrician for assurance and advice, and then I worked myself into a 2 day migraine that put me to bed!  I think the stress of Dan being gone, my kids being sick, and the constant coverage of the post 9/11 events on the TV just did me in. 

Today I'm grayer (although I try to keep that secret!) and the lines on my face have found new places to furrow ... I have experienced - and survived - many things I never imagined I would in these last 10 years:  a miscarriage in 2002, my husband's year long deployment from 2003-2004, and a huge, daunting life transition from the military to the ministry ... and now, surprisingly I am a mom of a baby again "in my old age"! 

Of course, my husband's life was personally touched by 9/11 when he was called up to support the War on Terror in February of 2003 in a Combat Support Hospital south of Baghdad, Iraq.  He was among the first to go - and thankfully, he came home safe.  Working in Iraq is what solidified his call to go into full-time ministry and serve God and people, not only as a Christian, but as his career.  In that sense 9/11 changed our entire family. 

Our smallest family member Miriam has no idea what this is all about ... but we will tell her.  No doubt, on the 20th anniversary of 9/11 in 2021, she will understand so much more about 9/11 means to our family and to America.  Hopefully she will never have to go through something like this in her life time ... but it doesn't seem as if the world is getting any safer or better! The one truth she will know for sure is this:  no matter how scary the world may seem sometimes, no matter how many "bad guys" are out there trying to spread hate and evil, and no matter how uncertain the future seems, GOD IS IN CONTROL! 

When Dan first deployed to Iraq, someone told me I should claim Psalm 91 as my personal assurance to cling to when I was feeling scared or lonely.  I read this Psalm almost daily during that year.  And we can continue to cling to this promise in the days ahead:

1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High

shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the LORD,

He is my refuge and my fortress:

my God; in him will I trust.

3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler,

and from the noisome pestilence.

4 He shall cover thee with his feathers,

and under his wings shalt thou trust:

his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night;

nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

6 nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness;

nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

7 A thousand shall fall at thy side,

and ten thousand at thy right hand;

but it shall not come nigh thee.

8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold

and see the reward of the wicked.

9 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge,

even the Most High, thy habitation;

10 there shall no evil befall thee,

neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee,

to keep thee in all thy ways.

12 They shall bear thee up in their hands,

lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 

13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder:

the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

 

14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him:
I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

 

15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him:

I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him, and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him,
and show him my salvation.

5 Minute Friday: IRL

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.


2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

Today's Topic:  IN REAL LIFE
 
I suffer from some kind of multiple personality disorder, I'm sure.  Often I'm moody like the women in my family before me, and unfortunately, the men in my family never know what they might come home from work/school to find:   a smiling homemaker with dinner cooked and the table set OR a harried, exhausted, frustrated, crazy woman in a house of chaos, begging for a hamburger and french fries from a fast food establishment and a one hour break from life.
 
I grew up - after age 8 - in church and Christian school and later Bible college, and I know how to act, what to say when, and how to dress and all that ... but it doesn't always come naturally.  When I leave my house, I make sure I'm half-way decent and I try to smile and be polite to everyone I meet ... but IN REAL LIFE, sometimes I don't really feel like doing that! 
 
At church or to my friends and family - and even sometimes on this very blog - I say and write what I know I am supposed to say and write.  And that isn't because I'm lying to you - it is because I'm speaking TRUTH to myself.  I believe what I write:  I believe the Bible - I believe that if I do what God requires He will take care of the details - I believe God will honor my intentions to serve Him and serve my family - I believe my home should be a safe haven for my family and that things should be orderly and nurturing here.  I believe it with all my heart.
 
But in real life, sometimes I get tired, discouraged, frustrated, and hurt.  My high expectations are not met.  People don't act like I think they should.  I might feel misunderstood or overlooked.  I throw pity parties, and yes, occasionally I even pout.  While I know that isn't how God wants me to live, that is reality. 
 
One of the biggest compliments I have been given is that I am "real".  That's my goal.  I don't ever want to be told I am "perfect"!  I can't attain that - don't even want to - only Jesus is perfect.  I want people know that while I'd really like to have a simple, good, normal, Christian home, I sometimes stumble and I sometimes struggle.  That is my REAL LIFE.  It's a daily walk with God - sometimes I walk closer to Him, sometimes I'm looking at Him from a distance (with me having been the one who wandered away).
 
In the end, I want my real life and my wanna-be life to be one.  I want to believe and live all the things I know to be true (and those are all the things I have learned from God's Word!).  This Christian life is a journey - it has bumps, pot holes, and long upward crawls - but thankfully, there are times of lush valleys and joyful fields of fragrant flowers and streams of cool, fresh waters.  Each step is ordered by the Lord (Psalm 37:23) ... and He shows us what is real and what is not - what to believe and live and what to avoid or forsake.  I trust HIM to reveal to me what I am to be IN REAL LIFE each day, and I sincerely want to follow that path.
 

Grateful.

"Gratitude turns what you have

into enough."

I found this quote on pinterst the other day ...

I think I am going to make it my THEME for life. 

EVEN SO, doesn't the Bible have much to say about thankfulness

and contentment as well?!  Plenty.

Now, if only I'd just REMEMBER:

In every thing give thanks:

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

I Thes. 5:18

Sometimes I wonder what God's will is for my life, for my family's life ...

and I think He just wants me to begin with what I know about Him.

Learning to know HIS character and seeking Him FIRST -

and "all these things shall be added unto you."

(Matt. 6:33 - the previous verses indicate that ALL THESE THINGS are the daily needed items like food, clothes, shelter)

Daily gratitude for provision - daily awareness of God's working all around me -

daily trusting for what is needed to get through today.

There is plenty I wonder and "worry" about for tomorrow ...

but He knows - I just need to trust.  follow.  listen.  learn.  obey.  today.

And be grateful for what I have been given already.  today.

 

BLESS HIS HEART (it's been a while!)

Every once in a while - a long time ago - I'd write an entire blog post devoted to bragging on my husband ... but I haven't done it in a while - not because I have nothing to brag about, but for several reasons:  (1) while I tend to be a rambling open book, my husband prefers to keep his life and activities private, (2) because I sometimes think people don't really want to read the mushy, gushing details about MY husband when they've probably got their very own great guy at home - or even worse, if they don't, and (3) the things I think are WONDERFUL may not be what others consider too exciting ...
HOWEVER, I've been following Rochelle for a while now - and she posts DAILY about how she is attempting to encourage and honor her husband - and it motivates ME to focus more on the most important person on this planet to me:  my husband!  :)

AND SO:  in sharing about my Labor Day weekend, I *will* tell you what a wonderful husband I have!!  Let me preface my ramblings today by stating that we have lived in Missouri over 10 years now - and have had - by default - season tickets to Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri for at least 8 of the 10 years.  Most people would think we were pretty fortunate to have family (my in-laws) living in Branson (a vacation area in the Midwest) and be able to go there on a routine basis ... but for me, it has become just that:  routine.  Silver Dollar City (SDC) is nice - and I do enjoy seasons of it (Christmas time is MY FAVORITE!!), I really am getting to where I dread the parking lots, the cramped tram rides, the crowds, the lines to shows, etc ... SDC isn't even THAT bad - but I'm getting crankier in my old age, I guess!!?
So, this weekend, I had high hopes that my little family of 5 would be able to do something JUST US ... However, my in laws called and invited us to Branson/Silver Dollar City.  Now, I am not shallow enough to say I won't go ... right now my father-in-law is facing open heart surgery in the near future - and we really need to spend as much time as possible with him.  It isn't about ME - it's about my kids being with their grandparents & about the grandparents having us there for them.  So, after our afternoon service on Sunday, we drove the 2 hours to Branson. 

And this is where my husband becomes my HERO!  He knows my feelings for SDC - and when my in laws started planning their earliest-possible start to go to SDC on Monday morning to avoid the Labor Day crowds, I felt my anxiety levels rising.  THANKFULLY, my husband suggested that I could just stay home with the baby.  PHEW.  And stay home, I did. 

After a very NOT restful night of Miriam not settling down until after midnight while everyone else snoozed and snored, I finally slept fitfully the rest of the night - and got up long enough to say good-bye to everyone as they happily left for SDC - and I went back to bed!  Later, Miriam and I went to Target so I could use a slew of coupons I had for laundry detergent, diapers, cleaners, lotions, make-up, gum, and so much more!  I also found a 50% off a school back pack for Andrew (so glad I waited to get one!!) - and sweet little dress shoes for Miriam that were $1.99 off.

The Bible teaches not just that the wife should submit to her husband - but that the husband submit (as such) to the needs of his wife.  Dan knows by now that sometimes I just need a day OFF from activities that his family thrives on.  Some day maybe I'll write a post contrasting my family (all night owls & slow starters) vs. his family (morning people & doers and movers) - and how we make it work!  It takes a little extra understanding and acceptance - and thankfully, we usually all get along just fine.  :) 

Today I am so thankful that my husband submitted to my need to just do something low key.  It reminds me of the MANY things my husband does for me - subtly - that help me so much!  Of course, he also knows if Momma is kept happy, EVERYONE is happy.  ;)

MISSING IN ACTION:

Since Miriam was born, I've been in the habit of having my camera nearby always ... not that I didn't want it nearby for my older 2 kids before - but they weren't changing every 20 seconds and doing new and exciting things every time I turned around.  I did make sure I had my camera handy for their major life events and occasionally for just random moments - but lately, my camera is always RIGHT THERE - especially now that I have a blog! "Maaaaaawwwwwwww-om, you're NOT going to put that picture on your blog, are you??!" - mortified, almost-13-year-old son says to me often OR "YOU NEED TO PUT THIS ON YOUR BLOG, MOM" - not-shy, 10 year old daughter says to me.

I last had my camera on Thursday ... Thursday I substituted in our school's lunch room - and Miriam climbed onto the stainless steel cart we use to roll the milk and juice and cheese sticks and pudding out to the hungry kiddos.  So, I'd put the food on the top tray - and Miriam would get into the bunk-bed style shelf underneath - and I'd roll the whole deal out to serve lunch.  Thankfully, the health department didn't decide to stop by ... not sure this is what you call standard food service operations?!

It entertained the kids - and it entertained Miriam - and it made for some cute pictures - which I sadly CAN NOT show you!  My camera is missing :(  I haven't seen it since the cafeteria photo shoot.  I wonder if I left it at school or what ... but I hope & pray I find it!  I have a cheap, standard digital camera, but it is MY camera ... and I want it back!!

So, this will be putting a crimp into my blogging life until I can find my camera!!  For example, I can NOT show you my "new and improved" master bedroom closet that my husband and I cleaned out today!!  I am so proud of all the dress shirts he let me give back to Goodwill (where we got them in the first place in the last few years he has been working at our Christian school).  SERIOUSLY, we have reduced the dress shirt population down from about 75 to 50 which IS significant!  Somehow I feel like I'm tauting Selective Reduction - Survival of the Species ... but only the BEST shirts stayed!! 

(sorry, weird humor - it's late, and I've sniffed a lot of cleaning supplies today!).

I also color-coordinated the remaining shirts from darks to whites ... and it looks SO lovely!  I thankfully have some WONDER HANGERS that I won from a MamaBzz give away from Renee many months ago that help tame the shirt collection (and a collection it is!  Once my husband starts buying something - books, a certain old TV series on DVD, or comic books as a kid - he DOES NOT STOP until every book, DVD ... or shirt is found - preferably at a bargain price he can brag to me about!).  :)

Anyway, I must say, I really like these things - they help:

So, we've really labored on this Labor Day weekend so far!  I continued to dust our room, get Dan to help me flip the mattress (you REALLY should do this on a regular basis, I think I was starting to sleep in a cocoon like hole in our mattress due to lack of FLIPPING), put new sheets on the bed, vacuum, etc etc etc.

My reward was to get taken out for Chinese food ... and to drop off at Goodwill all the shirts and other things we have cleaned out of our closet - to include a coat that looks somewhat like this (SO happy Dan let it go - no offense if you have a coat like this - but he has absolutely no use for a full-length, black, leather, patchwork coat:

If you knew my husband, you'd know that this is just *not* HIS STYLE.  No doubt, it is an expensive coat - his brother hand-me-downed it to him a while back for some strange reason.  We should have tried to SELL IT - but you know, it IS a nice coat FOR SOMEONE ELSE - and I hope someone get s a good bargain on it at Goodwill.

So, imagine all the wonderful changes in my room and closet today ... NO ONE will see them & appreciate them now that I can't show them on my blog (well, except for me & my husband!). 

So, I am now anticipating climbing into my fresh, clean bed with its crisp sheets and hopefully no body indent in the mattress - and read a good book for a while.

Conny

5 Minute Friday: REST

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

Today's topic is REST: 

Oh, how many times have I muttered under my breath, "I guess I will rest when I am dead ..."  As a busy mom and wife, I don't take a lot of time to just sit down and rest - and even if I sit down, it seems that there isn't any rest to it because someone wants something or someone is talking or there is something on the tv ...

While I can't say I never ever just sit down and do NOTHING (or I sit down and read blogs!!), that is just taking a break ... my definition of REST coincides very closely to the word QUIET as well as the word ALONE.  With a 20 month old in the house, I am very seldom ALONE.  Not even in the bathroom (moms of small children, you know what I mean!!). 

Some people recharge around other people - they are what we call a "people person" ... I am what you call a homebody introvert!  I need to be alone - I crave being alone - I cheer myself on in my mind every day by trying to focus on the next time I might get a few minutes ALONE!!  to be able to have absolute quiet - and rest. 

When some people go on vacation, they do as much as they can:  Disneyland from dawn until the last fireworks at night or sightseeing all day or hiking and white water rafting and all kinds of physical activities.  While I like those things too - in moderation! - my idea of a vacation would be to go to a nice resort, somewhere to get pampered - but most of all, somewhere where I'd have a special place, a nook, a lounge chair, or a couch that was MINE ALONE so I could have peace and quiet and finally be able to just REST ...

Since we can't go on vacations like I want - there are no luxury resorts, lake front benches, or white, sandy beaches in my near future, I guess I just have to make my own times and places of REST in my simple life and home as it is now.  This requires asking for help and cooperation!  My husband knows when it is time to tell the kids "leave Mom alone and let her rest."  And most of all, I need to find my ultimate REST in the Lord's love and peace ... this kind of rest is the most restorative!