Walk Away from the Mommy Guilt

For six years, I worked at the office of a church and its Christian school until I had Miriam and began to work from home.  The last two days, as school has started again and the main secretary is away, I have been working at the office again, filling in where needed.  I was reminded of an issue that plagues many moms and is something I've dealt with a lot in the past as well:  Mommy Guilt. 

On the first day of school, an active duty Army mom came in around 9:30 a.m.  She looked a little stressed, a little out of breath ... With a timid voice, she asked, "I know this is an unusual request, but I had 24 hour duty and just got off work.  Ummm, could I just peek in at my daughter.  This is her first school experience, and I don't want to miss it."  As I walked with her to the classroom, she explained with a shaky voice and teary eyes how badly she felt that she couldn't be the one to drop off her daughter for the big first day of school ... how much she sometimes contemplated if her career was really worth missing these moments.  I studied her as she smiled and her face transformed when she glimpsed her daughter through the narrow glass in the door of the kindergarten classroom.  She didn't even want her daughter to see her in case she'd be sad or want to go home with her ... she just needed that little reassurance that her daughter was ok (and of course, she was) ... the mom just needed to BE THERE for herself more so than for her daughter's sake. 

Many times it is like that:  we worry, fret, imagine the worst, feel like we've lost control ... and our kids are just fine.  They are usually the well-adjusted, smart child that we trained them to be - and other adults, teachers, child care providers, family or friends are there for them as well.  And it's ok, but as a mom we just need that reassurance that they are okay.  

As I've grown older, I find myself much more self-assured that my kids are going to be OK *despite* my flawed parenting; however, I still struggle some days with knowing what is the right thing.  Mainly, I'm learning that if it is the RIGHT THING for our family, it doesn't really matter if anyone else thinks or does.  I have goals for my children that are admirable and spiritual ... and I trust God with the outcome.  I make mistakes, and I pray my children will learn forgiveness and moving onward because of my own example of acknowledging my inadequacies.  I hope they will learn how dependent we all are on the Lord for guidance because no one is perfect. 

There are about ten million case scenarios that a mom can beat herself up for.  There are that many more situations that we can wonder if we are doing the right thing, making the right choice.  There are moms out there who appear to have it all together - but we don't live at their house and see that they too probably don't.  Working moms and stay-at-home moms and work-from-home moms and all moms share this burden of mommy guilt for their own reasons.

I'm thankful to have a few friends who support me as we journey through motherhood together, even when our ways go separately or differently.  I'm thankful for those who have already raised great kids who I can go to for advice and encouragement.  And there is my Heavenly Father who IS perfect ... who wants us to give up our guilt and trust HIM to do a work in our children.  He entrusts us with these precious gifts ... and He can work even when we make a bad decision or something bad does happen. 

As a self-declared control freak, it is hard to realize that ultimately my children will grow up and make their own choices and be responsible for themselves.  I want the VERY BEST for them ... and I tend to think I know what that is. Of course, I will have to one day let go ... and be just an observer and supporter.  But right now my responsibility is  to do my best, pray a lot, and let go of the mommy guilt.