Doctor Appointment Update

As of today's appointment, I am scheduled for a repeat c-section on Tuesday, December 22. If I happen to go into labor before that on my own, I may try a VBAC, depending on the doctor on-call at the time's willingness and ability to make that happen. My whole OB experience with my own doctor hasn't been the most confident one ever - not that he isn't adequate - but that's about all he is ... adequate. He has left a lot of the decisions up to me (I am not used to that after having 2 babies at military facilities where everything was pretty much controlled!) and reassures me he'll do whatever I want, but I just don't have the confidence in myself that I know what is best. HE is the supposed expert, after all.

I am overall ok with a repeat c-section as I am told by my nurses that my doctor prefers this method based on his 10 years of experience - and statistically, it is a surer way to go instead of gambling on a VBAC ... however, as a Christian, I know God has more to do with the whole birth thing than any person or doctor! But then there is also the development of modern medicine that God has allowed us to enjoy these days.

I do wonder if my doctor has done enough to make sure my baby and I are truly ok. I did find out today from my nurse that I tested positive for Group B strep from last week's swab ... (which I had to do myself?!) ... but she blew it off as nothing to worry about. I just hope someone remembers to give me the antibiotics one needs during the birth to combat this. My cervix hasn't been checked at all - and I have no certainty that my baby's lungs are developed enough to be delivered next week at 38 weeks - though my history of having early babies is in my favor, I guess.

Yet somehow my faith is strong that I am doing the right thing. I just trust that if a scheduled c-section IS NOT the right thing to do that God will intervene for me. That's what I am praying for anyway ... please pray with me! I am not "scared" by any means - and even though I feel a little neglected in my OB care, I also have a strong trust that God put me where I am. I never felt the need to change doctors - and I also know I am giving birth at a top notch hospital where my baby and I will receive excellent care - which is why I drive 55+ miles to go there instead of going to a closer facility to deliver.

I guess every women just about goes through a time of reflection, wondering, and doubting before facing birth. I have given birth twice, and though I had 2 very different experiences, I can look back and remember that God's presence and peace were always with me - and my husband's faith helped a lot too. That is one other thing I am thankful for - I couldn't ask for a better birth coach than my own husband! I am thankful he will be by my side through this birth too. Mostly I know no matter what, God is ultimately in control. All my doubts and my fears and my second guessing and my over-analyzing are unnecessary really. It would be nice to know exactly how everything will transpire - but in the end, it will be God's will.

I am currently reading the Mitford series by Jan Karon - and the priest in the book often relies on the "prayer that never fails" ... and that prayer is revealed to just be "Thy will be done." I know God will not fail me! He is with me no matter how and when I end up having this baby. He has given her to me - and I just trust Him to safely deliver her as well.