Thanks in EVERYTHING....

In EVERYTHING - I guess that covers it: good things, bad things, easy times, hard times, fun times, sad times, smooth road, bumpy road, sickness, health, rich, poor, etc etc etc....

I'm glad I've chosen this theme for the week. It brought me back to perspective after a kind of up-and-down day yesterday (Tuesday). I am probably less stable than most (ha!) so I go from happy about something to sad about something else without warning and in less than 2 or 3 seconds! It explains why one minute I'm saying something very positive and the next minute I'm saying the most ugly, negative things. I'm striving on staying a little more even keel, a little more predictable, and a little more optimistic! I can blame it on majorly messed up hormones and on just being a fickle woman, but I know much of it is just me, my warped thoughts, and bad habits of negativity and believing Satan's lies.

Ok, that confession given (and it's nothing new if you REALLY know me), yesterday was kind of a day like that:
Day off - YEAH!!
Doctor appointment - BOO!!
Good news from dr. - YEAH!!
Bad news form dr. - BOO!!
Shopping with bargain prices at The Children's Place - YEAH!!
Lunch at Applebee's - YEAH! (there were NO boo's in between!!)
My stomach bothering me later- BOO!!
Going to Target & feeling better & being able to order a Frappacino - YEAH!!
Coming home & doing taxes - BIG BIG BOO!!

Of course, it's all in a day's living - and nothing earth shattering - however, each situation yesterday had to be mulled over, processed, and decided upon how I'd react (whether it was a conscious decision or not). I wonder if a person is living "right" that they'd react "right" without having to think about it as much as I have to. I mean, if your attitude is adjusted well and you're right with the Lord, would you tend to just accept the good with the bad and the ugly? Does it just come naturally for some merely because they have a "sunny," optimistic personality?

For me, I think years of wrong thinking definitely affect this. I'm slowly, slowly working on "...bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" (II Cor. 10:5) because unlike some probably more mature Christians I know, this does NOT come easily for me. Hence, I have to write things down, think about my responses, and re-train my brain to think godly thoughts. I wish I had gotten this down years ago, but I guess I wasn't ready then?!

One thing that kind of set off my negative thoughts was my conversation with my doctor. A few weeks ago I was diagnosed with a huge ovarian cyst. Thankfully, it has resolved itself (dissolved or burst, but in any case, it is GONE) - but as we explored my ovaries with an internal ultrasound, the doctor was showing me all the little bitty cysts on my ovaries due to "poly cystic ovarian syndrome" which I've struggled with since forever basically. I've tried a lot of things to deal this problem, which involves so many other factors like insulin resistance and can lead to Type II diabetes if not controlled. Also PCOS will and has led to me twice now to getting blood transfusions due to anemia.

So anyway, after talking about how my ovaries looked, the doctor kind of sympathetically looked at me and said, "Your ovaries are just very stubborn and resistant to medication. There's nothing you did wrong. It's just the way God made you." My initial reaction to that was, "WHY would God do that to me? Why I can't I have normal ovaries like normal women?" and I could have gone off on a little rant in my mind about the unfairness of it all, remembering how often I've been let down by those 2 broken, little organs. Then I began to think about all those who have even worse problems like those born blind, those born with congenital defects, those who deal with cancer, childhood diabetes, immune deficiency diseases - and I thought didn't God make their organs and their body parts too? Of course, He did! It's "just the way THEY were made." Does this mean God is imperfect? No, it just means God allows imperfection - which is the result of an imperfect world & a gene pool of sinners!

It is hard to be thankful for an illness, an imperfection, unmet expectations, disappointment, seemingly unfair situations. And yet, God said IN EVERYTHING give thanks. He is strong in our weakness; He wants the glory in all. Today I am thankful - as ridiculous as it sounds - for broken ovaries. It would take me 10,000 blog entries to tell about my journey with PCOS and infertility and wanting more children and years of being angry and then searching for acceptance of God's will and having setbacks and regaining faith and the affects on my relationship with my husband and rejoicing in the children I do have and dealing with sorrow & disappointment and knowing joy and finding God's grace for it all. I am glad because it has led me to this day when I have realized that I truly can be thankful for EVERYTHING.