I didn't write a post on Friday - the first day I've skipped in a long time. I wanted to write, I read the blogs I usually read, but I decided it was in my best interest to NOT write what was on my mind, to share the spirit of negativity I was feeling (mostly because I was just plain, ol' TIRED from a long week), and to invite others to join in my pity party. That was a good choice because as they (whoever THEY are) say, things always look better in the mornig. And today I'm fine. I'm good. It's all gonna be ok.
I will give you a small glimpse into my thinking last night - but be reminded this isn't me today. This is so me-yesterday:
On Friday, I worked quite a lot in the school office - mostly alone in the afternoon - and as all the happy parents & students walked by me after the school day & as the teachers slowly left, they all (well, seemed like they ALL) lightly, with a smile, full of plans for their week off, said to me in passing, "Have a GREAT Spring Break." The ugly, selfish side of me kind of bristled; the pessimist in me wanted to shout back, "WHAT BREAK?!"; and I just generally felt like Cinderella. Silly, isn't it!?
You see, next week is Spring Break - and my kids won't have school; however, the office, because it is shared with the church, must remain functional. Life goes on there - people need help, bulletins and business still need to be taken care of, the UPS guy still comes by, phone calls still need to be made, and someone needs to be there to take are of it all. Because of a commitment I made 5 years ago, I am among those who take care of that.
So, Spring Break in the truest sense of the word is not what it used to be, which is part of my underlying struggle these last 5 years anyway: life is not what it used to be. HOWEVER, that said, it is what it SHOULD BE. This is the life God has for me, and His plan is best. :)
Last night, I thought back on "Spring Breaks Past" (when someone else was sitting in the office all week instead of going somewhere fun). When Andrew was in K4 (and Anna was 2 years old), Dan was deployed - he had just left us - and was actually in a plane flying to Kuwait over our Spring Break. He landed on the day that Operation Iraqi Freedom started, which was March 16, I think. Instead of facing those days of uncertainty alone, the kids & I got on a plane and went to Atlanta to be with my brother (who lived there) and to visit with my parents in Knoxville. They were there when I had my last phone call with Dan from his departure point in Texas; they were with me as we waited for word that Dan had made it to Kuwait safely (which I found out via an email from my good friend, who reads this blog, since her husband was the IT guy of the group and could get out information better than any! I still have that email in my scrapbook).
The next Spring Break (Andrew was in Kindergarten), Dan was newly home from the year long deployment. We booked a week in a hotel in Hot Springs, Arkansas. We explored the old "Bath Houses", I got my first-ever pedicure, and there were so many interesting places to explore in that region. It was a true BREAK.
The next year, I was already a part-time secretary at the school/church - and I think I worked Spring Break so that the full-time secretary could go visit her family. Ironically, it was that visit that was her turning point to decide to quit her job and move closer to her kids! Maybe that's why they don't like the secretaries to go anywhere over Spring Break!!? (ha!!)
So, that was me LAST NIGHT. Today, I'm being thankful! And in fact, my whole theme for next week (just as the theme for this past week was "This is the Day") will be to BE THANKFUL for what I have.
~I'm thankful for quiet days to work in the office next week - a time to clean out files, sort through neglected paperwork, study the accounting and numbers without being interrupted a thousand times, etc.
~I'm thankful my kids can spend a full week at home, playing with the toys and things they don't always get to enjoy when we're so busy when school is in session.
~I'm thankful we have 2 full days off as a family (Tues & Wed) - we already have to go to the Lake of the Ozarks on Tuesday as I have a dr. appointment - so we'll get to do some shopping at the outlets, maybe eat out.
~I'm thankful because there are so many people who have full-time jobs who get NO breaks, none, never. They work long days every day. They don't work in a Christian environment. I am blessed to have a job that allows some down time at home quite often, especially now that I'm back to being a part-time employee.
Today I'm ok with Spring Break. Today is the BEST DAY of it because it is the FIRST DAY of the break - we still have 8 days of a slower schedule to look forward to, including the weekends.
It's going to be a GREAT WEEK! The office hours we do work are reduced so I can sleep in a little! :) It should still be restful. We'll be enjoying being home bodies to the fullest.
I have no Pity Party invitations to send out afterall. :)
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